Life and Death

Firstly, I experienced the death of my great-grandmother as a child;
it wasn’t sad, but rather shocking to see an inanimate body
and the mourning people around burdened with silence.
I couldn’t understand much of that picture that time,
but my mother was in grief and crying for a long;
she must have a lot of memories with her,
all reaching a dead-end road.

Then, my kind friend – our dog was beaten to death by my old neighbor;
she was my father instead of father and friend instead of friends,
a true mate that was hard to imagine to get so brutalized.
The shock seeing her missing dried up even my cry;
that time, I imagined how my mother might feel
when someone close disappears
and leaves a terrible hole.

Still a child, after the dog I loved, I saw the corpse of the dog I hated;
that huge dog been let out to the side when I walked daily
scared me and made the streets ominous, evil-holding.
I wanted to think of it as a big relief from my fear
that the big, evil dog won’t be around after me,
but I felt grief seeing its bloodshed death;
will it leave a same hole in someone?

Then, news of deaths came and went around with daily regularity;
in the broadcast Queens died, presidents, victims and criminals
as well as at school, acknowledging dead kings and poets.
I thought that great deeds leave a thing to remember,
not to let people die as a fly or a cornered spider,
but I quickly changed my mind at the museum
where generations lay without any memory.

Starting to grow, I realized many terrible things while just living;
terrible things like whole families, weekend parties
and such things I never could have in my life.
These left a hole greater than death itself;
leaving an unknown, missing hole in me,
a hole of me whom I could be,
saying: I never was alive.

Somewhat later, having assured that the holes of non-living remain;
they mark the person and it marked even my personality,
I tried to meet Death by my own, to rejoin the holes.
I failed and left but awkwardness of craze,
my close ones saw me abnormal
and saw no danger seeing me
as a hole, simply disappear.

With knowledge, I understood it later and it made more sense than any;
a person who didn’t live and left no experience
won’t leave holes or griefs in nobody.
All the synopsis-held memories,
all the heartbeat on the globe
like life and death in books
have no meaning at all.

Benyamin Bensalah

12.07.2020

6 thoughts on “Life and Death

    1. Well, to state on the Karma thing, he got a stroke like 10 years later, then he lived 3 years as a vegetable. His wife is still living alone abandoned by her son and daughter. I can just hope that every monster gets the same meritable ending.

      Earth is indeed a Limbo. 🖤

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Perhaps these negative and traumatic events occurred for a reason. Not from a “divine plan” of some benevolent god that many people blindly give themselves over to, but in a way to help you evolve and better yourself. When shit happens to us, we have two options: to submerge ourselves in a self-pitying pool of miserable absurdism, or learn from it, in order to better ourselves and help others who experience the same trauma and don’t know what to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this such valuable comment. I agree with you and hold all respect towards those who can turn themselves to help others, I’m stuck in my Absurdism and I can barely call myself alive if I don’t have next to me someone who reminds me of this fact.
      It’s not a self-pitying stage, but rather a stoic acceptance of the Meaningless Life and giving up to pour meaning into it.

      This is one of the worst forfeit possible.

      Like

      1. How are you so sure it’s meaningless? Granted, each of us has our own reality, and I didn’t mean any offense by the self-pitying comment. It’s merely what I’ve been through, dealing with my own tragedies, and have seen in others, within my perception of course.

        Like

  2. Benyapoesy, Thank you for following my blog. My silverlinings approach to life has served me well. I truly hope you can find value in your life. You are a child of God.
    Sue

    Like

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