Regret

I’ve never seen a word such suffocating –
such as regret.
I stuffed my already crowded mind with lies
such as I never feel regret.
I stuffed my ego with lies that I deserved this all,
and all the bad is out of regret.
I went dreamwalking with that chestboard in my chest,
seeing all pain I was used to, but regret.
While the word kept me chasing, just as my chest kept aching
from what I wasn’t able to see that I do regret.
My chest is opening now, with unusual pain that is searing me down,
but I’m somehow happy to hear that I do regret.
All the pain I caused, not just to myself alone, not just to the one I loved,
but for everyone who had to pay for my pain – I regret.
I don’t know how could it be possible now to be a better person from now,
and I really don’t know it like I didn’t know it back from now, but I regret.
This word is here now, that kept me suffocating – crying – waiting for answers in my hiding,
but I am free now; free as a hated criminal who’s not enjailed now, and knows only one word
only one word that he murmures alone:
I regret.

Bensalah Benyamin

04.12.2020, 04:20 am

Some people just wasn’t born for living

Some people just wasn’t born for living…
I tried to quit, but I only made others’ hurt,
and I really don’t like spreading my unhappiness;
it’s heavy, pointless and awkward in the worst way.

Some people just wasn’t born for living…
I tried to make others happy instead,
but I ended up hurting others more;
my presence as my absence is a curse for all of us.

Some people just wasn’t born for living…
I drift between some reality and fantasies,
numbing my sober moments of this livinglessness;
tricking the untrickable truth that we are unwanted.

Some people just wasn’t born for living…
I couldn’t catch a moment in which I fitted;
everywhere I was just passing by awkwardly,
or rather standing while the time pushes itself.

Some people just wasn’t born for living…
I really want to die and stop being a part of it,
but instead I’m tormented daylight and nighttime;
while observing this odd world in which some people just…

Benyamin Bensalah

22.11.2020

Let it hurt if it has to hurt

My heart is an empty stack,
For what, only myself deserves smack,
But it hurts.

Whoever falls into it
Will hang with me in it,
Such as: but it hurts!

My life’s a lifeless winter,
It’s snowing my head so sinister,
But it hurts.

My venom broke out if it would dare,
If there were anger, would you dare,
A lord of pain who hurts.

Although fate would finally give a way,
I’m not waiting only to give away,
So, let it hurt if it has to hurt.

Benyamin Bensalah

29.12.2017

Translated from my Hungarian poem, “Fájjon ha fájni kell.”

Life signal

Hey Dal, it’s Ben…
Well, what to say, it’s ten…
No gn8, no God bless you, no amen –
But I can guess it’ll be my fault again.

Though how you think is wrong,
Avoiding, closing you? No-no I don’t.
I’ve been just tired a long time along,
Talking about tiring things I don’t want.

Should I say how the Ogre drinks juices,
How his wife’s absence makes me brews,
How the future confuses,
How everything screws?

You know well, I’m not up to complain,
Not even to God, huh;
But this is how I bear the pain,
Silently, no blah blah.

I won’t lie, I missed you, needing a hug,
Something real like an electric plug-
A world of tricks and treats,
A world of sicks and threats.

I’ve just got tired of the song:
“Sehogy se jó”,
But don’t get me wrong:
Veled és velem minden jó…

So, just chill down and have your rest,
Think about our future nest,
Wachno- your bird is tired now;
Of studying, working, house or past… I don’t know…

Benyamin Bensalah

16.04.2018

Bee-ing

Sometimes, I feel like a little child…
        Such who mourns even the bee after getting stung…
Then, sometimes… I feel like the bee…
        That has nothing to lose and stings any one near…

Benyamin Bensalah

13.06.2018

When you are not needed

When you are not needed,
You just make up things,
When you are not needed,
Things fulfill your days,
When you are not needed,
Dreams are just some things,
When you are not needed,
Things are just distractions,
When you are not needed,
Goals are just made up things,
When you are not needed,
Things are just frustrations,
When you are not needed,
Nights reaveal there are no things,
When you are not needed,
Things just fall apart,
When you are not needed,
You just wait the end of made up things.

Benyamin Bensalah

17.09.2020

Yelp

I’m at the threshold,
but the threshold of what
I cannot know;
it’s just a feeling.


I never experienced home
to say I’m at the threshold
of something, a door
to belong anywhere.


Through my life
I was alone,
struggling of myself,
and circumstances.


I found it hard
to ask for help
while I knew
there’s none.


But still, I kept
fighting down
this feeling, and
yelped at a threshold.

Benyamin Bensalah

29.08.2020

Ab sense

You who can’t hear the scream of silence;
The shrieking loneliness of days and nights,
You who can’t see the shades of indifference;
The invisible sadness in the ever smiling eyes,
You who can’t touch life in ceaseless roughness;
The dried out face that only in the heart cries,
You who can’t taste the rejoice as bitterness;
The rockbottoms of an endless precipice,
You who can’t feel the lifelong unpeace;
The homelessness in roof disguise,
How could you understand the words of mine’s;
The life inside a violin’s fall and rise,
How could you understand Peace;
A moment my heart so eagerly desires,
Being absent on me in the whiles.

Benyamin Bensalah

31.08.2020

Attila József: It doesn’t matter to me …

It doesn’t matter to me: is there a god or not
And certainly I would believe in him,
But I don’t even have that much free time.

If He helps me, it’s better for Him,
If He doesn’t help, it won’t get any worse.
If there is, then He couldn’t be worse
Than the one we used to have,
If there is: I don’t worth even a dog,
If there’s not: I don’t worth even a dog,
Neither better nor worse.

Sooner or later the poor
Has to go crazy,
Or hang on to a branch,
Except if he starts to realize,
That the poor here is God,
World-creator God,

The rich are just angels;
Our sigh gives them wings
And in the crawling creation
Why would we need angels?

Benyamin Bensalah

29.08.2020

Translated from the Hungarian poem of Attila József, “Nekem mindegy”(1924).