Pre-sent

How? What? Why? I really dunno –
Though my life was already ready to go;
Drama, drama and goddamn traumas –
These drums are drumming under all my Sagas;
Dive and rise, dive and rise are all my rhymes –
These tenses tensed me all the times;
Crawling, falling, crawling, falling in a row –
Bowling the same boulder with a giant crow;
Wishing – hissing this has been such an Epic –
But despite all the witting, been just pathetic;
Missing love and dissing care –
Unlovable, self-aware;
Out of context just as sex –
My mental shutdowns just multiplex;
No social circles, nor any goals –
On my knowledge bigass holes;
Body? Housing? Dare to diss that thing? –
I’ve never been else than disgusting;
I tried to ignore, tried to die –
But I failed even to cry;
My nerves served me only disconcert –
Awkward, harmful as pervert;
I’d blame gods or Darwin’s words –
But it still constantly hurts;
I should quit and I am closing –
My life is the best thing for losing;
Even the thought is so pleasant –
No more drums of past and present;
No more future unpleasant Pre-sent.

Benyamin Bensalah

11.03.2021

O’ the Limbo called Life

The world is swirling to a point returning –
The hardship is harsh and boredom dooms,
The queue of people is full of loons,
Your heart is chained by the world’s harpoons.

Where’s the limit and where’s the end?
Where’s the real and the ones pretend?
Where’s the right and where’s the trend?
Will you be able turning?

As you are able learning –
You kill the voices, bring some noise,
Ignore yourself and other girls and boys,
Ignore the world that kills the joys.

But who pays the price for that act –
Facing again the painful fact
That you are just chained in a new contract,
And we’ve been only adjourning…

Curse the living since you are not yet dead,
Respect the dead since this is what they had.

Benyamin Bensalah

08.03.2021

Masquerade

Would we any rate –
stop this masquerade?
We act in the shop.
We act on the streets.
We act at the workplace.
We act alone under the sheets.
We act with the friends,
differently with one, two or any of them.
We put a new mask at each circumstances,
not missing a single of those chances
to see a reality and feel it,
act on it and fake it until we believe it.
Then, when those rare moments come up
finding us without absolute no mask, no setup;
we question the whole thing that has been,
in the shop, on the streets, at the workplace –
under the sheets –
and as we see that we have no face,
and nothing does matter,
we cry badly at cost of whatever,
or at any rate
just to let us start again
just let us go back
to that stupid masquerade.

Benyamin Bensalah

20.12.2020

Better Persist in Dying

I pay for every single smile
Nights of crying and loneliness
Like pushing rocks a mile
that fall back on me bottomless.

I pay for every single happiness
Days of being my own exile
Like walking in the eye of storminess
that shows all the madness awhile.

I pay for every coping style
Years of distant, forgotten sadness
Like hiding the warning FRAGILE
that leaves behind my pieces in recklessness.

Benyamin Bensalah

07.12.2020

Seek and Hide

Hide and then seek again,
Play and then re-play again,
Talk and then meet up again,
Learn and then take exam again,
Work and then change work again,
Buy things and then buy more things;
Infinite loop of doings
With finite scope of ownings
of the last peekaboo,
of the last win with value,
of the last astonishing taboo,
of the last bought thing seen as new,
of the last intercourse we are able to do
Leading to play and don’t play again,
Breathe and don’t breathe again,
Seek meaning that hides again,
After days until a day again,
Till not waking up again.

Benyamin Bensalah

06.10.2020

When you are not needed

When you are not needed,
You just make up things,
When you are not needed,
Things fulfill your days,
When you are not needed,
Dreams are just some things,
When you are not needed,
Things are just distractions,
When you are not needed,
Goals are just made up things,
When you are not needed,
Things are just frustrations,
When you are not needed,
Nights reaveal there are no things,
When you are not needed,
Things just fall apart,
When you are not needed,
You just wait the end of made up things.

Benyamin Bensalah

17.09.2020

The fight of life

Nothing matters in this life,
Just to show up yourself in the strife.
A win could easily satisfy,
A brute who’s familiar with the vie.

A lose hardly fags out a fag,
Who has friend and facebook tag.
Nothing matters in that strife,
Just to get out of it damn alive.

Dying is fair deal for a lame,
Who doesn’t fit this fighting game.
Also living makes little sense,
With victorious sadness in the glance.

Nothing matters in this life,
Only-only if one matters in the life.
Nothing matters in this strife,
Only-only if one matters in the strife.

Benyamin Bensalah

18.04.2016

Pierre Reverdy : Late in life

I am hard

I am tender
  
                             And I lost my time
                             Dreaming without sleeping
                             Sleeping while walking

Wherever I passed by
I found my absence
I am nowhere

Except the nothingness
But I’m hiding at the top of the bowels
At the place where the lightning has hit too often
A heart where every word left its keenness
And where my life drops to the slightest move.

Benyamin Bensalah

13.09.2020

Translated from the French poem of Pierre Reverdy, “Tard dans la vie”(1960).

Always lemon

Like biting into lemon over and over again,
Life squeezes fun out of my face:
Although my hand feels the round apple,
My eyes can see the rich peach,
The rapture of thousands of sweet colors …

But when I reach for them,
Take to my mouth the manna of Eden:
Bitter tastes try to let me know
That you’re in a very bad place,
This is not your world …

Benyamin Bensalah

16.07.2018

Translated from my Hungarian poem, “Mindig citrom”.