Loveless essay

Love is the strongest amongst human instincts –
so beautiful and so urging
that gives meaning to this meaningless carcass;
however, instincts can be overwritten
such as killing the self is possible.

Love is complex and built up in us –
we saw it from our parents
at least those who’ve seen any;
for the ones who missed that chance,
love remains an abstract concept.

Love is built on beautiful insticts and ugly humans –
human constructs that judge,
select, favorize and exile the ones out of scope;
such outcasts may ask what is a body,
what is wealth or health in their depair.

Love is relied to something that is healthy –
so what responsability it is
to eager for it even if you are mentally ill;
infecting others with your ominous stance,
injecting all bad into something all good.

Love is blind and easy to anyone –
it’s a source of ecstasy to all,
but it’s a struggle to build it up;
some are lacking all above,
Welcome to Me.

Benyamin Bensalah

15.08.2021

Jenő Heltai: Questionnaire

When your tortured heart goes silent,
A big questionnaire will be your defiant.

What your motionless lips sigh,
An invisible clerk will take notes by.

What you are going to answer – because you have to answer! –
Where did you let your life go to disaster?

Where did you turn left instead of right?
Answer! Do you know the cursed time?

If you were given a divine miracle,
Say: would you go back there empirical?

Like seeking the handle of a lost axe,
Would you start again the long road’s acts?

While pursuing desire and urging trouble,
Would you dare to run another Marathon?

All that is vile, lying, and false,
Would you go through it, say, through the same faults?

Why? Why?! For new goals? Or…
To get where you are now?

So that, forgetting all the old torments,
You can cry and fray again with no ends?

For this cheap misery as a prize
For this more bitter than sweet, tiny life?

Benyamin Bensalah

10.08.2021

Translated from the Hungarian poem of Jenő Heltai, “Kérdőív”.

Course

Life serves us lessons all the time
most of them are unwanted
coming from something else wanted
unasked, coming from something else asked
unprepared, being for something else prepared
we pretend they haven’t happened
until they come back again and again
till we learn the lesson
being another us
to pretend
we are ready for the next lesson
that will never happen.

Benyamin Bensalah

04.07.2021

Ma cabre

Every species developed their means
to perceive the surrounding
as well, every individual has its own design;
the birds crossing the sea,
the fish below where we can’t see,
the bugs dancing in ultraviolet.

So did I inherit and developed mine
of sensing this magnitude
to end my own design;
the trucks, the train, the cars,
the cigs, the drugs, the scars,
the heights’ and depths’ draw.

It’s ceaselessly pulling me hard,
sometimes I’m running
sometimes I accept this design;
pulling against, pushing for it,
crying – numbing, it remains horrid,
being in a force without control.

Benyamin Bensalah

30.05.2021

In sanity


It’s hard to remain sane
with a crâne full of thoughts
on how to be, and how not to
what to do, and what should have tho.

It’s hard to remain sane
and it doesn’t even pay it
I can’t, don’t even have to say it
how hard it is to satisfy anybody.

It’s hard to remain sane
with the people around us
playing, changing, randomly faking
while fighting with this insane brain.

It’s hard to remain sane
I did try it and I can say it
as someone who can see it
that being insane is much rewarding.

It’s hard to remain sane
with a crâne full of thoughts,
but those thoughts make you,
and at your senses; none fools you.

Benyamin Bensalah

13.04.2021

The absurd algorithm

Since my childhood, I tried to break the algorithm
with all of my power and knowledge;
observing and overcoming – analysing and forthcoming,
but all the science was proven woven to a fate…

The algorithm just kept me running, ruining my own keepsake
full of moments that would have been better
if just the circumstances had been just less bitter:
“Closely had it.” “Closely worth it.” “Almost had her.”

I tried to avoid blaming, judging
as on myself as on the funny mishaps coming,
but with the views and experience enlarging
even to ignore became vain.

For now, it’s academically proven – no illusion
that there’s an algorith running, ruining –
5 centimeters per seconds like tree leaves falling,
bringing me back to a Murphian rockbottom.

I tried to avoid, tried to evolve, tried to just pass,
but the cat was always dead in the box;
knowing or purposefully unkowing the fact,
there’s an absurd algorithm looking for my head.

Benyamin Bensalah

14.03.2021

FML Alchemy

“Humankind cannot gain anything
without first giving something in return.
To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.
That is Alchemy’s first law of Equivalent Exchange.”

We start to live with full enthusiasm,
We get on high hopes a time to times,
We fall in love without expectations
Without nowing the prices.

Even saying:
Cheerly, dearly, fairly Mary –
Don’t fuck me up
I ask you dearly.

Human hearts were born to change,
You’ll be always out of range.
If it’s not change, something other,
Nothing goes in your order.

One smile a day keeps Death away,
but every single smile
makes you suffer a longer awhile,
crying rivers of a mile.

Life wasn’t meant to enjoy anyway:
Eat, survive, reproduce;
Why would you need other uses?
Your kind fairly reproduces.

Thinking, loving and other’s that unlisted
are the extras that are twisted;
pay the price of any pression –
reclamation’s out of question.

Smell in the air, see your level,
and be ready to reproduce –
Or live as you want, thinking Hegel,
but be ready to lose, lose, lose.

These are the rules of Freaking Equivalence;
Everything is in an Absurd Balance –
You’re on one side, but there’s another;
You quit or lose, none’s to bother.

Benyamin Bensalah

13.03.2021

Drunken Vibe Edit

I’m sober like Piza’s tower’s straight,
Appreciate! ’cause I tried it, mate;
Like I said the worldly world is doggy doggy,
Don’t get surprised when you’re in an in ill-meant doggie.

I just tried life, but I did my best as newbie,
No one loved me, but it’s okie –
I have my drinks and the escorting soda,
I’m still wise looking just as Yoda.

I’ve no prophecies, no fear, bro;
I’ve got no ads, just go with the flow;
If you can’t bear the shit you are through,
Just have some drinks to make blur your view.

People are cruel, brutal and even more,
Black and white’s fine, but not a so-called colour
Because what is happy is heretic;
Deep down, every person speaks Arabic.

They say it’s Haram to have my rum,
but expect me to stay dumb
When they say life is a testing process,
not a meaningless toxic mess.

Benyamin Bensalah

09.03.2021.