When you are not needed

When you are not needed,
You just make up things,
When you are not needed,
Things fulfill your days,
When you are not needed,
Dreams are just some things,
When you are not needed,
Things are just distractions,
When you are not needed,
Goals are just made up things,
When you are not needed,
Things are just frustrations,
When you are not needed,
Nights reaveal there are no things,
When you are not needed,
Things just fall apart,
When you are not needed,
You just wait the end of made up things.

Benyamin Bensalah

17.09.2020

The fight of life

Nothing matters in this life,
Just to show up yourself in the strife.
A win could easily satisfy,
A brute who’s familiar with the vie.

A lose hardly fags out a fag,
Who has friend and facebook tag.
Nothing matters in that strife,
Just to get out of it damn alive.

Dying is fair deal for a lame,
Who doesn’t fit this fighting game.
Also living makes little sense,
With victorious sadness in the glance.

Nothing matters in this life,
Only-only if one matters in the life.
Nothing matters in this strife,
Only-only if one matters in the strife.

Benyamin Bensalah

18.04.2016

Pierre Reverdy : Late in life

I’m hard

I’m tender
  
                             and I lost my time
                             dreaming without sleeping
                             sleeping while walking

wherever I passed by
I found my absence
I am nowhere

Except the nothingness
but I’m hiding at the top of the bowels
At the place where the lightning has hit too often
a heart where every word left its keenness
and where my life drops to the slightest move.

Benyamin Bensalah

13.09.2020

Translated from the French poem of Pierre Reverdy, “Tard dans la vie”(1960).

Eye of a corn

Pop.
The first left.
Pop. Pop.
The second and third.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
Going becomes a hype.
Pop.
Another one.
Pop. Pop.
I feel it salty to leave.
Pop.
I feel fever to go.
Pop.
Hot pressure.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
They go with pleasure.
Pop. Popop.
What’s going on?
Popop. Pop. Popop.
Is it a must to go?
Pop.
My ears are buzzing.
Pop.
The world’s reeling.
Pop.
Silence.
Pop.
Silence.
Silence.
Maybe, it’s the last.
Silence.
Maybe, it’s over.
Sure.
We are in safe.
Stayed many of us.
Out of the yellow mass.
Yes!
I told you.
Don’t mess with me.
Silence.
Alas!
Pop.

Benyamin Bensalah

15.05.2016

Soulshard

Will the inken feathers see the sky ‘gain,
Have they scratch’d an ev’-flying art for us?
Mayb’ their fallenness is cursed to fall ‘gain,
And heav’nly words are just unseen for us.

Then, words coming by clacks’ and taps’ typing,
Won’t they face the coming oblivion?
What does matter the mechanical rhyming-
‘gainst our flesh and carbonate calcium?

Thou must know, as your seconds are in tomb,
Too, your soul won’t bright on earth for ever-
Your soulshards will unflame really soon,
You might hide and write ’em if y’er clever.

Do write! The daylights blind the blue-cloudy sky;
Tho’, your soulshards star e’er on the night’s high.

Benyamin Bensalah

08.11.2017

Life and Death

Firstly, I experienced the death of my great-grandmother as a child;
it wasn’t sad, but rather shocking to see an inanimate body
and the mourning people around burdened with silence.
I couldn’t understand much of that picture that time,
but my mother was in grief and crying for a long;
she must have a lot of memories with her,
all reaching a dead-end road.

Then, my kind friend – our dog was beaten to death by my old neighbor;
she was my father instead of father and friend instead of friends,
a true mate that was hard to imagine to get so brutalized.
The shock seeing her missing dried up even my cry;
that time, I imagined how my mother might feel
when someone close disappears
and leaves a terrible hole.

Still a child, after the dog I loved, I saw the corpse of the dog I hated;
that huge dog been let out to the side when I walked daily
scared me and made the streets ominous, evil-holding.
I wanted to think of it as a big relief from my fear
that the big, evil dog won’t be around after me,
but I felt grief seeing its bloodshed death;
will it leave a same hole in someone?

Then, news of deaths came and went around with daily regularity;
in the broadcast Queens died, presidents, victims and criminals
as well as at school, acknowledging dead kings and poets.
I thought that great deeds leave a thing to remember,
not to let people die as a fly or a cornered spider,
but I quickly changed my mind at the museum
where generations lay without any memory.

Starting to grow, I realized many terrible things while just living;
terrible things like whole families, weekend parties
and such things I never could have in my life.
These left a hole greater than death itself;
leaving an unknown, missing hole in me,
a hole of me whom I could be,
saying: I never was alive.

Somewhat later, having assured that the holes of non-living remain;
they mark the person and it marked even my personality,
I tried to meet Death by my own, to rejoin the holes.
I failed and left but awkwardness of craze,
my close ones saw me abnormal
and saw no danger seeing me
as a hole, simply disappear.

With knowledge, I understood it later and it made more sense than any;
a person who didn’t live and left no experience
won’t leave holes or griefs in nobody.
All the synopsis-held memories,
all the heartbeat on the globe
like life and death in books
have no meaning at all.

Benyamin Bensalah

12.07.2020

Finally, I got my crown

Terror, horror, self-dishonor;
Years of darkness in lifespan boredom
that are about to end, now:
Finally, I’m getting my crown.

I turned to pills, blades and drugs,
but never ended in filthy pubs
that left me neat and meriting:
Finally, I’m inheriting.

Patience instead of decision,
but I’ve never shown hesitation
that might effect on me:
My kingdom’s still waiting for me.

End of darkness, end of pain,
there’s no sunshine, there’s no rain
that could anyhow bother:
I’ll be on my own rather.

No more feeling being guilty,
only for trying to be here nearly
that will cause no more frown:
Finally, I got my crown.

Benyamin Bensalah

30.06.2020